Not
that I have already obtained this or have already reached the goal; but I press
on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Beloved, I do
not consider that I have made it my own; but this one thing I do: forgetting
what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward
the goal for the prize of the heavenly call of God in Christ Jesus. (Philippians
3:12-14)
Paul makes several statements here which are
indicative of what we might call, perhaps a little provocatively, grown-up
faith. The first is his acknowledgement
that he remains a work in progress – he has not obtained certainty, he says, he
has not reached the goal. I don’t know
how old Paul was, but it could seem a little striking around here when someone
in their senior years says, I am still finding out, maturing, exploring. Paul does not say, I know what I believe[1]… that’s the way I am, I’m
too old to change… that’s what I think and that’s what I’ll always think… It is still for Paul a journey, a trail awinding. Indeed, he may feel that there is less he can
be sure about. Mystery increases and questions abound.
Then he says, Christ
Jesus has made me his own. Paul has
come to see that it’s really not so much my faith, my belief, my
discipleship… You have not chosen me, Jesus told his disciples[2], I have chosen you. With
mature faith has come a sense of being called, and held -- a sense that
wherever the truth lies, it is certainly with Jesus, and it is down the path of
surrendering, relinquishing, simplifying.
Next he says he forgets
what lies behind… Well of course he
doesn’t. We may forget some of the past,
or distort it, but mostly it remains in our memory. There are cogent reasons not to forget
the past. Good and careful historians
should always have an honoured place in human society wherever people are
willing to listen and learn. But also,
every family in every generation can do with someone who knows the story as
accurately and honestly as possible, and can tell it with understanding and
compassion. The church’s story too… including
its darker aspects in our lifetimes.
What Paul seeks to leave behind, I think, is any
legacy of bitterness, blame, or the need for revenge, or lying awake with unfinished
business. He emerges from the past
certainly wounded, as many do one way or another, but not as any career
victim. Father Laurence Freeman puts this
better than I can, when he writes that mature faith is about looking back and discerning patterns and resonances in life, which we
could not see at the time. We learn
never to settle for just one level of meaning.
We know now that there are and always will be new ways of being, and we
are not afraid of newness or change. These
are concomitants of grown-up faith, and they include prayer, especially the
prayer of stillness and silence, our mature and grateful yes to God.
[1]
Paul, or whoever wrote II Timothy 1:12 does say, I know WHOM I have believed… that is a different matter.
[2]
John 13:18; 15:16, 19.
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