Part of one of the Old Testament readings for next Sunday: O Lord… remember me and visit me, and bring down retribution for me on my persecutors. In your forbearance do not take me away; know that on your account I suffer insult. Your words were found, and I ate them, and your words became to me a joy and the delight of my heart; for I am called by your name, O Lord, God of hosts. I did not sit in the company of merrymakers, nor did I rejoice; under the weight of your hand I sat alone, for you had filled me with indignation. Why is my pain unceasing, my wound incurable, refusing to be healed? Truly, you are to me like a deceitful brook, like waters that fail. Therefore thus says the Lord: If you turn back, I will take you back, and you shall stand before me. If you utter what is precious, and not what is worthless, you shall serve as my mouth. It is they who will turn to you, not you who will turn to them. (Jeremiah 15:15-19)
Post equitem sedet atra
cura – behind the horseman sits dark care – wrote the Latin poet Horace of someone
fleeing on horseback from the law. Jeremiah
is not fleeing from the law, but in his zeal he has plunged into atra cura,
the dark hole of depression… and this was not at all what he thought should be
the reward for his devotion and faithfulness.
He is very angry. He wants
retribution on his persecutors. He is
angry with God: …on your account I suffer insult …you have filled me
with indignation. Why is my pain unceasing, my wound incurable, refusing
to be healed? Truly, you are to me like a deceitful brook, like waters that
fail. Well, that stops the
conversation. It’s all God’s fault. A passage like this however could be uneasily
familiar to anyone who has endured real depression, or what St John of the
Cross called the Dark Night.
God’s response to Jeremiah starts
with one Hebrew word which is, I think, the key to it all. Shub שב) in
Hebrew) means to return – if you turn back, says this translation. In Greek, and therefore in the Christian
scriptures, it is metanoia (μετανοια), often translated repentance. But metanoia is not feeling sorry, it
is turning around and going home. In
spiritual understanding, this returning is the fundamental movement of faith
and love. It is not that the prodigal
son feels sorry… of course he does… it is that he goes home, he returns, and on
his returning he finds an open door. In
our prayer of silence and stillness, the primary movement is returning, away
from self, back to the simplicity of the mantra. God says to Jeremiah in his deep distress: If
you turn back, I will take you back, and you shall stand before me.
In returning and rest you
shall be saved, the prophet Isaiah tells Israel, in quietness and trust
shall be your strength.[1] Father Laurence Freeman points out that this
returning, metanoia, is the process of being still, shedding the
carapace of the high maintenance self, what Jesus called leaving self behind…
living more each day as the self God sees and knows and loves, the self not deceived
by self…
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