The dance of the ego - 27 April 2012

Jesus talked about leaving self behind. In the modern world, that is incomprehensible. Leaving self behind is unlikely, to say the least. In contemplative understanding of spiritual truth, self means generally what psychology calls the ego. This is what springs to life as soon as we are still and silent, because stillness and silence is an environment the ego doesn’t like very much. However, it is a mistake to start thinking of the ego as any kind of enemy. Our ego is part of us, and is very much concerned with survival. So it tends to be nervous of change, anything that might upset our fragile balances of control and happiness. From our earliest days the ego has been perfecting our responses to our environment to secure our continued existence, protection, even life-style and possessions. Control and management are a large part of this. When stillness and silence threaten to set aside management and planning, the ego responds with an avalanche of thoughts. We can be literally driven to distraction. And so we have the mantra. It is what we return to, away from the distractions. But the ego doesn’t give up. “Isn’t this boring, a waste of time? Shouldn’t we be doing something right now, like saving the world or joining a committee, or stopping our grandchildren diving into drugs...?” Well yes, no doubt, we should be doing those things, along with going to church and getting dinner ready. But first we will be still, and silent, and receptive, and consenting to God, who made us, knows us much deeper than our egos, loves us unconditionally nevertheless. And as we are still, gently and interiorly choosing our mantra rather than the flow of distractions, the Holy Spirit, like a sculptor, is chipping away at the stone to reveal the true self, the person God always saw and knows and loves -- day after day, year by year. In a way it is quite fun to say no to the ego -- even more fun than keeping the driver behind me to 50 km/h in the long 50 km/h stretch through Snells Beach and Algies Bay. As a Hebrew prophet saw it long ago: In returning and rest will you be saved, In quietness and confidence will be your strength. [Isaiah 30:15]