The hall of mirrors – 6 July 2012

One of the first things to happen, typically, when we choose Christian Meditation, is that we find ourselves wondering how did I get on with that. Was that a good time of meditation, or did it seem like a waste of time because I was so distracted? Perhaps the worst – or at any rate experienced meditators would think it the worst – is when we think, Wow! That was really something. Now I think I’m getting somewhere. I am often reluctant to recommend books for meditators to read, although there are a lot of good ones. It is, I think, because some teachers seem to think they are writing a recipe book. Do this, don’t do that… when the fact is, each of us is different. I have been around long enough to know not to trust rules and prescriptions overmuch. God deals with each of us in a unique way, and not only do I not have to try to follow some recommended pathway, it may be actually better that I don’t. Good abbots in a monastery are those who can make a balance between the rules and human individuality. St Benedict knew that his Rule, for his monks, would need to recognize special needs, not as some school these days has to recognize and cater for a few special needs students, but rather as a normal thing. We are all special needs meditators. So perhaps an early hurdle in the contemplative life is understanding that the Spirit of God will help me, as I consent to that help, to get out of the circle of self. “How am I doing…? Am I doing this right…? Should I change my mantra…? Will I ever be free of distractions…?” This is the circle of self. It is like a hall of mirrors. Whichever way we turn, what we see is some aspect of ourselves – and in a proper hall of mirrors, as you may know, these images are typically distorted anyway. The best teaching says, simply be still, be silent, and when you realize you are distracted, return to the mantra, gently and without self-recrimination. And to that gentle extent, we are setting self aside, stepping outside the hall of mirrors, going back into a space where it is not all about me, but about God and me. And as we seem to keep pointing out, this choice, setting aside self, is clean contrary to our contemporary culture. It is not considered the way to get on in the world. We will never turn out to be role models or idols of the media. How sad is that…!