Compunction, I think, is not a word we use frequently. If you say you have no compunction about
doing something, you probably mean that you think you can do it, or say it,
without hesitation or guilt… You may mean that even if you have hesitation, you
will do it all the same.
Compunction however is quite an important word in monastic
circles – and none of that is what the monks mean by compunction. Thomas Merton says: The clear-sighted recognition and mature acceptance
of our own limitations is called compunction. Compunction is a spiritual grace, an insight
into our own depths which, in one glance, sees through our illusions about
ourselves, sweeps aside our self-deceptions and daydreams, and shows us ourselves
exactly as we are. But at the same time
it is a movement of love and freedom, a liberation from falsity, a glad and
grateful acceptance of the truth...[1]
Well then, there
is a bit of a problem… the litany for Ash Wednesday, for instance –Pour out
a spirit of compunction… That is certainly about guilt. The church, Catholic and Protestant, has a long-standing
investment in guilt – either the guilt you feel over something you did or said,
or didn’t do, or the anticipated guilt, the compunction, which might stop you
doing it. But here are the monks saying compunction
is not about guilt, it is about knowing ourselves… as Merton puts it: a clear-sighted
recognition and mature acceptance of our own limitations.
I think Merton
chose his words carefully. Clear-sighted
recognition comes first. Here we are
in the realm of grown-up faith, which is faith beyond dreams and day-dreams,
fantasies and power-plays. It is the
faith that now knows with relief and gratitude that I do not rule the world or
even my small corner of it. I am not a
stable genius. It is not appropriate for
me to make dogmatic statements, pronouncements or judgements. Growing up, maturing in faith, brings better
clear-sightedness. I am aware of what I
do not know, and of former opinions I have had to revise. I hesitate now to say much – I would rather
listen and think. That is clear-sighted
recognition… Merton says it is a
gift of grace, and it is a freedom, a release.
Then he says,
mature acceptance of our own limitations. This is when we realise, not only that we
don’t know everything, but that we needn’t expect to – we are setting self
aside, we are relinquishing the need to be superior. If we lead, it is as Jesus said as one who
serves.[2] We are learning to live in mystery and
wonder. We can reflect upon ourselves. We can stop trying to control other people.
You see yet
again how counter-cultural all this is. If
we understand compunction in the sense that not only the monks but all contemplatives
do, then we can see also how it flows from a discipline of silence and
stillness, distancing from the ego, the public self… more importantly, finding
the self God sees, the self God made to be free.
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